


Secrets out

by thebaujet



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bisexual Derek Morgan, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Boys In Love, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Insecure Spencer Reid, Internalized Homophobia, Jemily - Freeform, Love Confessions, M/M, Moreid, Not really a case fic, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-22 10:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30037113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebaujet/pseuds/thebaujet
Summary: Spencer Reid has spent years trying to find the perfect girl, but he realises hes been looking in the wrong place because he has found himself falling for his co-worker, Derek Morgan. He didnt know what to do. Derek was a ladies man, or so Spencer thought. Everything changes when Spencer overhears a conversation in the break room.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is my first time posting on this platform and it would mean a lot if you could like and leave comments and tell me how im doing :) alrightio, read on my friends.

* * *

Spencer has spent his whole life trying to deny any feelings towards men, he didn't exactly know why. He didn't think there was anything wrong with being attracted to men but the thought of him being homosexual didnt sit right with him, maybe the fear of being called slurs, or beat up just for loving someone of the same gender. Maybe his experience in highschool had something to do with it. But he always knew deep down there was always a slight desire for them. He remembers being at the pool when he was young and the lifeguard took off his shirt and he couldn't stop staring, for a really long time he just thought it was because he was jealous. He had an amazing body and though Spencer was only 12 he couldn't help but feel inseucre. But he knows now there's something more. He is trying to convince himself he still might be straight, i mean its not like he's ever been with a man..or a woman for that sake. But maybe he doesnt need that expeience because right now, he is hopelessly staring at Derek, he's aware of it, and if anyyone looks at him right now its going to be super embarrasing, but he cant seem to look away..well that is until

"spencer" Emily says clicking her fingers infront of his face to snap him out of it

"ye-yeah yeah whats up" he says shaking his head a little to push all the thoughts aside

"were you just staring at derek?" yeah no shit. I mean how could you not stare? look at him hes sculpted like a god..oh wow now i get it Penelope.

"what! n-no i was just.. just zoned out..thats all"

"uh huh. Well me and Penelope were gonna go out for a few drinks after work..girls night, and of course you're invited Dr Reid" Emily said smiling. You know maybe it wasnt such a bad idea. Hes been trying to get his mind off everything to do with Derek, so why not go out with a bunch of girls. To a club with even more girls. The thought of that seems uncomfortably disgusting but what else can you do. "so you in?"

"yeah..sure"

"awesome! ill text you the details" Emily walks off.

Did i just make a mistake? should i be doing this? running from my sexuality i mean.. so what if i like boys i mean there's nothing wrong with it. So what i have a little crush on a guy, i mean who knows this might be a one time thing, this could all just blow over in a few days and itll be nothing but something to laugh about.

After work spencer got the train home and went inside. Walking into his apartment was always a comforting feeling, no matter what. The smell of books and coffee mixed with slight peperment from a christmas candle JJ got him last year. It was home. He plopped his satchel down and started getting ready, he has about half an hour until Emily came to pick him up and he wanted to look good, in hopes some girls would come up to him and he could shrug the whole liking boys thing off. He rumages thought his closet to try to find the most appealing thing he could but there was nothing but swater vests and khakis. Until he remembered that night where Penelope took him shopping. He pulled out the bag from the top of his closet and slowly took out the outfit, black skinny jeans and a purple buttoned up shirt. He couldnt deny his ass looked fine in the jeans but he always felt so dirty in them. Why do people wear skinny jeans anyway. 

After spending 10 minutes trying to get the jeans on he finally zipped them up, tucked in his shirt and looked in the mirror and my god did he look good. He was never one to really think of himself as "hot" but he thought he could really get atleast one girl tonight. He went to the bathroom to fix his hair then waited paintently for Emily to arrive. After 20 minutes of sitting uncomfotably he gets the text shes outside. He gets up, heads downstairs and gets in.

"damn Spencer, why dont you wear these clothes all the time?" Emily asks smiling and turning around to look at him in the back seat

"boy wonder your ass looks great" Penelope says blantly staring at it

"i dont lke these types of clothes.. theyre just uncomfy, i only wore them for tonight so take it in because im probably not wearing them ever again"

Penelope pouts and turns back around as emily starts driving again. This is going to be a long night.


	2. Word Vomit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves alcohol consumption and sexual content

Everyone got out as Emily pulled up to the club, Spencer was honestly really scared. What was his plan after getting in there? was he going to go and strike up a conversation with a girl? like he could do that.. was he just going to drink so much that he would just start dancing with a girl and hoping it went somewhere? 

Everyone walked in and sat down at a table. He was uncomfortable already, the flashing lights, the blasting music crossed with the loud conversations and laughter from random people. The sound of drinks clinking together or the sound of shoes hitting the ground where someones walking. It was already too much for him.

"i'm going to get some drinks, what does everyone want?" Penelope yells over the music

Spencer can hear Emily giving her answer, non-alchoholic, designated driver. He hears the silence of Penelope waiting for him to answer but he cant seem to focus, theres so much going on he doesn't know what to pay attention to. "Spencer are you ok?" is what snaps him back to reality. "we can go home if you're not comfortable" Emily says looking at him in the most understanding way. For a moment he wants to say yes. He wants to just run out and go home back to safety...but he has to do this. He needs to prove he likes girls too.

"no its ok. I'm fine..just get me whatever" he says smiling at Penelope. She walks over to the bar to get the drinks and he's left alone with Emily. You know maybe he can talk to her. She isn't ashamed to say she likes girls. I mean it wasn't much of a shock when she said she was a lesbian. Everyone kind of just smiled and got back to work. She would know what to do.

"hey Em.."

"yeah?"

"how did you know you liked girls?" Emilys eyes widened. oh no no no. What if shes judging him.

"i dont know..i guess i always kind of knew..why?"

"no reason." Spencer said way to quickly. Penelope came back with drinks and spencer instantly took it and started drinking. 

"hey genius, slow down thats really strong.." Penelope laughed. He didnt even care. He just needed something to get his mind off everything. Someone. A girl. How do people do this. Just go up to a girl and start talking? what was an intersting topic? he knew there were about 800 kernels on a average row of corn seperated in 16 rows but thats not something you just point out. 

"Spencer that girl is totally checking you out" Emily says taking a sip. Perfect, if they're already looking at him that'll just make things so much easier. He slowly gets up and walks over to her

"hi" he says trying to be heard over the music

"hi there" she says smilling "im Olivia" she is slightly swaying side to side, clearly already drunk.

"im spencer" this isnt too hard. It seems to be working out? without even having time to think Olivia crashses her lips to Spencers. He can hear the cheers and whistles from Penelope and Emily. This isnt so bad? he thinks. He brings his hand up to cup her face and pull her closer. Maybe its the alcohol talking but he is really enjoying this. Her lips are so smooth and fit perfectly inbetween his. He begins to think what Dereks would be like. Definitely bigger than hers, but are they smoother? maybe more rough? oh no no! he cant be thinking about Derek when kissising a girl! what was he thinking, he pushes her away slowly. "im so sorry, i cant" he says before running into the bathroom. 

He splashes cold water on his face and takes a deep breath. Ok. Yeah. He definitely has a crush on Derek. He walks out after a moment to see Emily and Penelope standing at the door waiting for him. "hey what happened? are you ok? did she do something?" Emily says slowly putting her hand on his shoulder.

"i think im gay." he says. He instantly slaps a hand over his mouth. He did not mean to just shout that out. Penelope opens her arms and hugs him tightly. Emily smiles and joins in on the hug. So..maybe they dont really care? this was such a big thing he blurted out but..he doesnt even seem to care. It just feels nice to be held.

After some talking and a few more light drinks Emily drives everyone home. Spencer thanks her, says bye to her and Penelope and walks into his apartment. He thought he would be drunk, he thought tonight was going to end in bad memories that he can't put together properly. But he is just tipsy and tired. He unlocks his door and shuffles in, he goes straight to the shower. He needs to get the smell of perfume off him. He turns on the water and waits for it to get warm. He strips down and hops in.

He closes his eyes and lets the water run over his face and run down his body. He begins to imagine if Derek was in here with him. Washing his hair..washing his body, kissing his neck. He slowly reaches down and takes his cock into his hand, slowly stroking it, imagining Dereks hand doing this for him. He gets close really quick, letting out soft moans. He runs his finger over the tip and flies over the edge. He takes a moment to come down from his orgasm. Oh my god. He just jerked off thinking about Derek.

He finishes up in the shower and gets out, dries himself, gets in pajamas and gets into bed. Its going to be extremely awkward looking at Derek tomorrow. 


	3. The Night After

Spencer woke up feeling mostly fine. A slight headache at most. He slowly rolled out of bed and trudged his way into the kitchen, he instantly started making coffee. He grabbed his favourite star trek mug and poured the coffee in and leaned on the counter. He was contemplating whether he should just call in sick. That way he doesnt have to face Emily or Penelope...or Derek, gosh Derek, how is he going to look at him without blushing, and hes a profiler he's going to know somethings up what if he just blurts it out like he did last night? this is gonna be a nightmare.

He finishes his coffee and puts his mug in the sink making another pot to put in a travel mug to take to work. He walks back into his room, gets dressed in his normal outfit. He walks into the bathroom and pauses for a moment. The skinny jeans.. i mean he got a few stares at the club so it has to mean they make him look good, if he wore them to work would Derek look at him different? no no, having Derek look at him differently was not worth the hours of discomfort those jeans bought him.

He fixes his hair, brushes his teeth and looks himself in the mirror. If Derek was gay why would he even want you? look at yourself, skinny, nerdy, pale, everything hes not. i mean people do say opposites attract but come on, thats just an excuse. There is no science to back it up, its just something people say in movies. He walks back into the kitchen pours his coffee, grabs his satchel and he's out the door. Spencer hates taking the train, theres so many people, so many germs its loud and disgusting but what can he do? 

He arrives at work just on time like every other day. He walks in and Derek isnt here yet, perfect. He sits down and sees Penelope walk in with sunglasses and a half eaten burger. "im never doing that again" she says walking over to Spencer. "everything is on fire"

"you didnt even drink that much how are you hungover?"

"me and Emily went back to mine and drank more.." just on cue Emily walks in, sunglasses, burger, same deal. Spencer smiles to himself and gets to work. 

After 6 minutes Derek walks in, fine as ever. Spencer doesnt look up, if he looks at him hes going to start blushing and thinking about what happened. Instead he keeps his head in his work. "hey pretty boy, have fun last night" of course Derek asks a question. Now he has to answer 

"mhm" simple. keep it nice and simple.

"have any fun stories to tell? were any secrets shared i need to know about" Derek says smirking. Spencer freezes, did he know? how would he know he wasn't there..unless Penelope texted him while drunk or something, no no no this is awful.

"not that i know of." spencer says slowly hoping Derek wouldnt follow him up on it.

"awh man, i was hoping to get some juicy stories out of that, i should've came" Derek said grabbing a pen and getting into work. He didnt know, thank god. I mean what if he did know? would he avoid him? Spencer doesnt want to jeopardize their friendship like that, after Dereks bad experience with Carl he has to be careful. The last thing he wants is Derek thinking of spencer like that. 

After a few hours Spencer gets up to go refill his coffee, he starts to pour it when he hears footsteps behind him. He turns around to face Derek. oh shit. Spencer instantly starts to blush and turns around. "what was that?" Derek asks starting to make his own coffee.

"what was what" 

"the way you looked at me, got that look on your face and turned around" Derek looks at Spencer but Spencer refuses to look at him.

"i didnt have a look" idiot spencer, youre being so obvious

"mmm, is that so..did something happen last night?"

"no!" Spencer said super quickly, well shit. you've blown it.

"hey you know you can talk to me..right?"

"thanksgottago" Spencer is walking away before Derek could even blink. What is up with that kid?


End file.
